he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have post one night stand depression
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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