Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
