My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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