I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I only lived at night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
