That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site