Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.