and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.