I would do horrible things to your vagina.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"