I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
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do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night