i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?