I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?