it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.