Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
