I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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