Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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