Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived