good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.