guess who came home with a hottie last night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!