Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.