just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.