yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning