$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK