someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if i died would you start the facebook group?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We can't do acid Disneyworld.