she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.