apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.