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i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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