you win again, gameday.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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