My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
