You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
