Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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