you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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