i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
