That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize