just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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