She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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