Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies