You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.