So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm at about main and main street
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."