my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize