How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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