playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done