My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
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I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.