I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!