YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.