Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.