You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.