Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend