mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...