Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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