you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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