Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
