Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize