I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize