im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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