lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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