I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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