There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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