I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
