Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
