His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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