Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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