Jerry, you need to find god
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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