Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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