thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize