i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?