please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED