I'm going to rape someone's good day.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
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Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
about cumming, not toast
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink