I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so let's talk penis.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.