You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever