I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??