She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
