I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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