Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize