btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
