you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying