Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.