Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch