Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.