Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent