I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize