Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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