when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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