dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.