I love black thongs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.