my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?