I cut my penus on the lid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
