We named our party play list daddy issues
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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